Reproducing in the Dark

I’m saying, “NO MORE!”  We have enough – we have plenty.  Some might even say we have a plethora.  However you say it, I’m saying, “NO MORE!”  At times, it seems we have too many already.  I told Mister we should sell one.

Why didn’t someone caution us?  Why didn’t the first come with a warning, something like “BEWARE: If kept in a dark, moist garage, will reproduce exponentially.”  See for yourselves.

That’s right.  Strollers have overtaken us.  (Well, they’ve overtaken the garage, at least).  It’s RIDICULOUS!

Mister and I were so innocent and so pure when picking out the first.  We did our research online, read reviews, logged into Consumer Reports, and printed out the specs before making our trip to Babies R’Us.  Of course, the store didn’t carry any of the strollers recommended by C.R.  (Why does that always seem the case?).  Therefore, we allowed our instincts to guide us.

We picked out the PERFECT stroller – the Baby Trend Expedition.  It had everything (or so we thought): the front wheel that both pivots and locks in place, the drink holder that doubles as a latch for the baby carrier, and large wheels for rugged terrain (in case we trek the Serengeti with baby).  It even came with – and I quote “an effortless trigger pull” for folding (yeah- right – Mister never used the “effortless trigger pull” successfully without breaking a sweat, swearing, and kicking the tires).  Oh, the best part – it boasted a lightweight design for jogging off that baby weight.  (Are you kidding me? Have you tried jogging with a full size stroller?  I have.  It was even uglier than when Mister used the “effortless trigger pull.”)

Around Bunder’s first birthday, Mister pulled this twenty-year old antique out of the attic.  Hansel, Mister’s eldest child, had received this red wagon as a first birthday present.  Bunder loved it!  (Except when his mommy accidentally dumped him out of it.  Poor thing.  Not one of my finest motherhood moments.  Who knew a red wagon could be so tricky to steer?)

Along with Kiki came the necessity for a double stroller.  I shopped Craig’s list, avoided the ads for solicitation, and found a gem of a stroller.  Bunder and I picked it up from a stranger at the Jack in the Box.

The umbrella stroller came before a Monday morning trip on the train with Bunder and Kiki to the Austin Children’s Museum.  The only action it’s seen since that day involves a monkey.

The single jogging stroller came from the attic.  Mister had forgotten about it, and he’s not sure where it came from.  I told him, “It would have been very useful back one kid ago.  Now, it’s useless.”

I bought the double bike trailer/ jogging stroller halfway through a weeklong solo staycation with the kids (Mister was on a business trip and I feared my head would start spinning [pea soup] if I didn’t run).

As I step back and survey our hostile takeover, I have a few deep thoughts to share.

  1. I will never find the perfect stroller, just as I will never be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, or the perfect friend.  That’s okay.  We’re human.  We all make mistakes.  Sometimes, we might even lose control of the wagon unloading our child into the driveway.  (No, really, that’s never happened to you?).
  2. If you’re looking for something specific – something unique, don’t shop Craig’s list, just ask Mister.  It’s probably in the attic.
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About Mother Ruckus

Living the dream of motherhood and hoping to survive. View all posts by Mother Ruckus

3 responses to “Reproducing in the Dark

  • Liz

    Too funny! We also have a collection of strollers, wagons, bikes, roller blades… not to mention gym shoes, boots, water shoes, hiking shoes, sandals and etc. Now all we need are skis and snow shoes to complete the list. We also have a plethora of water toys for the pool, coolers (after all, you need one for every occasion – large, small, padded, wine tote, beer carrier, hard plastic Playmate and ones with wheels). I look around and realize we have every flavor of every object in our home. I think it’s time for a garage sale. Thank you for making such great posts – they are fun, funny and so true to life.

  • Rosetta Metz

    The “first”, “number 1 son” always had the best! Emmaljunga Buggy was a must and of course NO DISPOSABLE DIAPERS. I had a diaper cover in every color for every outfit. Used 7 in the first few days and disposables it was…I was so bad, I typed up instructions to my parents (who raised 11 of their own children) how to watch my baby! Love your article – We all know that no matter what we read or wonderful advice anyone could have given us, we would do it again, but now we can take enjoyment watching others…

    • Mother Ruckus

      Thanks, Rosetta, for your insight! I’ve typed up similar instructions for my mom and sister. They don’t have 11 kids, though. Very funny!

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